In an announcement that has truly rocked the gilded foundations of Buckingham Palace, Her Royal Highness The Princess Royal, Princess Anne, delivered a statement so succinct, so practical, and so utterly Anne that it has sent ripples of panic and confusion through the royal households, the media, and, most importantly, the nation’s purveyors of fine china.

Appearing before a hastily assembled press corps—who were still adjusting their lens caps from the unexpected call—Princess Anne stood at the podium. There was no flowing gown, no grand speech, and certainly no mention of distant cousins or new puppies. Instead, the famously hard-working royal got straight to the point.

Appearing before a hastily assembled press corps—who were still adjusting their lens caps from the unexpected call—Princess Anne stood at the podium. There was no flowing gown, no grand speech, and certainly no mention of distant cousins or new puppies. Instead, the famously hard-working royal got straight to the point.

With that, she turned on her sensible heel and was gone, leaving a bewildered press corps in her wake. The internet immediately exploded with the news. Memes of Corgis wearing tiny, banned hats circulated rapidly. Royal commentators were forced to use words like ‘competent’ to describe the ‘highly satisfactory’ announcement. The Palace Efficiency Protocol 1.0 might be a shock to the system, but for the notoriously no-nonsense Princess Anne, it’s simply about getting on with the job. And perhaps, finally, getting everyone else to do the same.